How to Handle a Narcissist in Mediation

One of the most common questions I get is: “How do I prepare for mediation when the other person is a narcissist?” And I get it — it’s not just hard, it’s exhausting. If you're divorcing or trying to co-parent with someone who is manipulative, selfish, and thrives on control, it can feel like an uphill battle.

Let’s start here:

A narcissist is someone who lacks empathy, is extremely self-centered, manipulative, and obsessed with controlling how others see them. They love being the center of attention and will go to great lengths to protect their image — especially in custody mediation or divorce.

If this sounds like the person you’re dealing with, especially someone you were married to for a long time, you’re not crazy. They know your buttons. They know how to trigger you. And if kids are involved, they might even try to weaponize them.

So how do you get through mediation with someone like this?

Here’s your game plan:

1. Protect yourself with documentation.

Narcissists live for their image. So when they claim they’re the perfect parent or partner, start collecting the receipts. Save texts, emails, voicemails — anything that shows a pattern of missed parenting time, canceled visits, or failure to show up for the kids’ big moments. You're not being petty. You’re being prepared.

2. Stick to the facts — not your feelings.

They want a reaction. Don’t give them one. The minute you get emotional or start defending yourself, you’re giving them power. Say less. Keep it calm. Keep it factual. We’re playing offense, not defense.

3. Take notes during mediation.

Mediation can be revealing. Listen closely — they might slip up and mention assets, financial plans, or parenting intentions. All of that is valuable for court, if it comes to that. Quietly observe and document everything.

4. Never call them a narcissist — ever.

Even if it’s the truth, **don’t say it** in mediation or in court. Only a licensed mental health professional can diagnose that. Using the label can backfire and make *you* look bad. Keep the focus on their actions and patterns, not the diagnosis.

5. Be aware of the room.

This is tough, but real — some judges and mediators have narcissistic traits too. That’s why your preparation, documentation, and calm presence matter even more.

6. Lean on your support system.

This process is draining — emotionally, mentally, and financially. Find your people. Lean on friends, family, or local divorce and parenting resources in your city. You’re not alone, and you shouldn’t do this alone.

Final thoughts:

Going up against a narcissist in mediation isn’t easy. But you can protect yourself, your peace, and your children by staying focused, organized, and calm. You’re stronger than you think, and you’re not in this alone. Keep going — one step at a time.